Posted by Kimberly Rex

Updating Your Mothering and Fathering Aspects

Resonance Repatterning® works with updating your mothering and fathering aspects in your life today by repatterning your life to experience greater integrity in your wellness and wellbeing. The process gives you a way to access energetic material from your pre-natal, pre-verbal, and early experiences as well as ancestral patterns through your DNA.

What are Your Mothering and Fathering Aspects?

As you move through life the quality of the relationship you had with your mother and father impacts the mothering and fathering aspects of yourself, in how you respond to life and take care of your needs as an adult based on your early experiences. This includes both the positive and limiting qualities you took in through growing up in your family related to the qualities of absence or presence, criticism or nurture, suppression or expression of emotions, neglect or positive attention, neglect or encouragement, danger or safety, lack of safety, or the building of trust and protection.

Your mothering aspect is translated into your life today through how you experience nourishment and support. This is reflected in your ability to feel at home in your own body and in the world around you. The ability to feel stable, grounded, and imaginative while being about to digest and integrate experiences in your life create greater experiences of harmony and balance.

Your fathering aspect is related to your ability to move out into the world in an assertive way. In Chinese Medicine particularly related to Father is Metal Element. This element relates to your values, the Divine Masculine, your ability to draw upon your own truth, money values, your self-worth, inspiration, and letting go and connecting to your inner brilliance.

This also rolls out into what you observed as a child related to the conflict styles of both parents. According to the Gottmans, it is not so much that children experience conflict, as much as how children observe conflict resolution or the lack thereof in their family that determines personal conflict responses and attraction to partners with similar compensation, resistance, or conflict styles as their own parents.

Updating Your Mothering and Fathering Aspects

In Twelve Step programs, the importance related to mothering yourself is vital. The work of accessing your inner child with your adult self is essential in that you are invited to nurture and support the earlier parts of yourself by updating your mothering and fathering aspects.

To survive early on, you might have had to compensate for your basic needs being met by your parents These early patterns became wired into your developing survival and emotional brain as implicit memory imprints in your unconscious. It is then no coincidence that your association with survival and bonding continues into relationships in your life as an adult.

If your body-mind-spirit system experienced significant fight or flight experiences early on, you are wired for that frequency and continue to activate those neural, biochemical, and thought pathways related to those limiting beliefs about who or what is safe or dangerous.

This creates repetitive interactions and situations that replicate your early learning as it is familiar. You are actually matching up conflict styles, and stressful frequencies while en-training with another through your own Nervous System.

Becoming aware of these internal patterns is actually the first step to moving more into your ability to self-nurture through moving into the safe zone with self-regulation. In fact, the more you can see of yourself equals your ability to see more of another by expanding your ability to calm, nourish and support your decisions, values, and mental health.

By doing so, your mothering aspect becomes more aligned with your unmet needs from your earlier experiences. This means where there was neglect, you give yourself time and space for self-care. Where there was abuse, trauma, or chaos, you offer yourself the warmth, compassion, safety, and care your need. Where you felt unsafe being in your body and trust your intuition, you begin to check in with what your body is telling you and follow through with self-care.

Polyvagal Theory offers an avenue to bring your body back into the safe zone for healthy social engagement that allows you to move back into a greater sense of calm, relaxation, grounding, and stabilization. Acquainting your body with this information, interoception and neuroception give you the opportunity to learn how to identify the triggers that have served as gateways to the states of fight-flight or freeze.

“Trauma is chronic disruption of connectedness.”~Stephen Porges

This also gives you an opportunity to work with returning to natural states of safety that create calm, expanded awareness, and ease. By doing so you add your body’s memory bank to be able to resonate with greater choice, discernment, values, and direction. This leads to your ability to attune your body-mind-spirit system to safety, nurture, and support within and with others. This changes the internal biofeedback of your experience related to the dynamics at work in your relationships.

Your Mothering and Fathering Aspects: Self-Regulation to Co-Regulation

Through the lens of your social engagement system from your earlier experiences, you interpret other people’s facial expressions, gestures, tone of voice, and words. These interpretations are orchestrated through your Nervous System. Some feedback might be comforting while other states feel destabilized or uncomfortable based on past experiences leading to misinterpretation.

When you identify and work with the root of limiting earlier experiences that shaped your social engagement responses, you can then feel more at home in your own body and can begin to recognize and discern your own internal biofeedback, attention, and focus in the present. This then creates a new connection within and updated reading of another person through your energy exchange.

The possibility of registering your experience while with others leads to your ability to choose relationships that contribute more to your safety and calm. This translates into creating more co-regulation in relationships that are built on safety, trust, curiosity, and mutual choice.

Through updating your mothering and fathering aspects, you create greater integrity in your body-mind-spirit system that results in better health, less stress, and more appreciation for your own choices with your ability to experience a more fulfilled life.

Kimberly Rex, MS is an Advanced Resonance Repatterning® practitioner, Person-Centered Expressive Therapist, and Wellness and Well-being Life Coach. She works with people all over the world via Skype, phone, and proxy.

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Posted by Kimberly Rex

What is Your Relationship Energy Exchange?

Relationship energy exchanges describe the quality and quantity of energy streaming between you and another person. When the stream of energy between two people or people in a group is coherent, your energy fields are amplified in a way that enhances your endeavors and partnerships. Coherent energy streams create a greater sense of harmony, joy, love, trust, pleasure, and creativity.

Whether your relationship is with an acquaintance, colleague, physical or mental friendship, spiritual interaction, therapeutic relationship, mothering or fathering relationship, or sexual interaction, your relationship energy exchange impacts your sense of feeling nurtured, trust, support, respect, protection, boundaries, and sense of ease.

According to Valerie Hunt, a research scientist who studied energy fields, there are three primary relationship energy field exchanges. Everything is energy and energy is everything. What you nourish yourself with through food, relationship, nature and thought make a difference in the integrity of your wellness and well-being. If you find yourself stuck in non-coherent relationship patterns related to any of these, you deplete your energy and your ability to experience choice, vitality, and connection.

1. Reaction Exchange involves too much force or intensity which is a response to survival responses from your past. This non-coherent energy stream does not create growth.

2. Transaction Exchange involves selectively choosing frequencies into your field from an interaction with another person. It is based on the need to protect your field from absorbing what you do not want by filtering. This exchange does not support full expansion, and growth is limited.

3. Interaction Exchange is a coherent energy stream and expansion with another person’s field who is also streaming coherent and streaming. In this energy exchange, there is maximum potential for growth, learning, and transformation.

According to Dr. Viscott, author of Emotional Resilience, when children do not experience their father valuing or showing love to their mother through gesture, word and actions, it becomes increasingly difficult to take the lesson of the fathering aspect in a relationship for a partner or project. When a mother does not nourish, is unavailable or there is neglect, this can lead to unresolved issues that keep a part of you stuck inside dependent, control or competitive/performing stages of child development that interferes with your ability to create discerning, nourishing and coherent interactions in your relationships today.

Many times, based on earlier experiences when trust and safety were violated, or your family experience was one where you did not see or hear your mother or father demonstrate these qualities, you take the non-coherent energy pattern into your own template of relationship patterns. Drs. John and Julie Gottman have studied children and families for several decades and found that it is not conflict in a family that diminishes the ability to practice interacting with others, but the lack of experiencing coherent resolution of the conflict in families. If a child witnesses a particular non-coherent conflict style in a parent that was volatile, avoidant, or that of negotiator, these styles become the lens through which you see and experience the world. These patterns are reactivated in relationships when memory imprints, family patterns or conflict arises.

Resonance Repatterning®works with identifying and transforming your response triggers from earlier experiences in your life through working with non-coherent experiences related to how you relate, perceive relationships, and handle conflict today. This process updates and allows greater balance, harmony, and love by healing these experiences in your body-mind system. This increases your repertoire for more coherent beliefs, thoughts, attitudes and positive action in your relationship energy exchanges.

I’d like to invite you to explore how Resonance Repatterning can make a difference in your life.  Experience a session by phone, Skype or in-person with Windows to the Heart Repatterning.  Set up a session with Kimberly Rex here: Contact Page

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Posted by Kimberly Rex

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