Posted by Kimberly Rex
Hosting Love Within
Hosting love in your life starts from within. This is created by nourishing safety and trust in your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs you choose to communicate and act upon in any given moment . It is rooted in self-love, setting healthy boundaries, self-reflection and self-regulation.
“Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home.” ~Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Hosting Love Begins with Self-Love
Self-love leads to self care. This means that you develop compassion for your life on the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual levels. By doing so you embrace all of the parts of yourself that experienced pain as well as the parts that have been there for you when you needed to meet challenges. Being able to listen to what is happening within gives you information that supports your beliefs, thoughts and behaviors that have molded your life, as well as giving you a template to work with to sculpt the new life you would like to experience
Early in life, your response systems to stress were structured by what you learned from your family and caregivers. Difficulty loving yourself shows up in your adult relationships when you have experienced a painful experiences created by absence, inconsistency, or abuse that instilled a lack of safety and trust.
As you learn to compassionately take care of your needs and wants in life today, you give yourself a way to ground and expand your awareness beyond your automatic responses. This allows you to be present in the moment with a more expansive view of what you are experiencing. It also then allows you to call up on these insights to see what is happening with other people.
Hosting Love with Healthy Boudaries
Boundaries are necessary for your health and well-being. Your body gives you signals that tell you when you feel elated or ill at ease. Your stomach might churn, your muscles tighten, and your heartbeat races. Over time when you do not establish boundaries based on what will create safety and security for your wellness and well-being, your body signals in stronger messages. This could include headaches, difficulty with digestion, physical mobility, or life-depleting conditions. These signals speak to you on the cellular level to express the need for establishing limits.
Through resonance on the unconscious level, you will continue to draw to you the relationships that contain the puzzle pieces of your early Social Engagement System.Your adult relationships will continue to give you the components of your first relationship with your parents. The limiting embodied protective automatic responses will create anxiety, stress, mistrust, fear of being vulnerable, emotional unavailability, neediness, or caretaking,
Your system might have learned to tough it out, tolerate or ignore signals that indicate danger or boundary crossing due to conflict resolution styles of your parents, abandonment, separation, loss, traumatic experiences or addiction to guard against pain.
Today, as an adult, when faced with the need to set a healthy boundary in your life for yourself or with others, you might not speak up, lash out, isolate, leave, or attempt to please the other to keep the peace. Your system defaults to early and habitual patterns you learned to handle trauma.
Loving yourself gives you the ability to connect to others in new ways that create discernment, safety and trust. It allows you to trust your internal feelings, body sensations and values. By doing so you create a healthy environment for trusting yourself and others that are worthy of trust, moving toward what is life-enhancing or away from what is life-depleting to allow healthy bonding and connection with self-care and boundaries in place.
Anatomy of Trust with B.R.A.V.I.N.G. from Brene’ Brown
Hosting Love with Self Reflection
Hosting love with self-reflection is key to healing limiting beliefs, thoughts and automatic reactions is through bringing to awareness or making conscious how these limiting patterns established through your life and Family System. Your parents and likely their parents experienced these life-depleting ways of dealing with closeness and conflict. You received this teaching through their words, actions and behaviors. The resulting negative beliefs get projected onto your adult relationships with automatic limiting beliefs such as “Love causes pain,”You cannot trust (fill in the blank),” It is my fault,” “They will leave me,”“Love hurts.” (They is used to represent any type of relationship).
It is important to acknowledge that you have the ability to work with and change these automatic reactions from the past by examining the roadmap of these patterns when they come up.According to Gabriella Kortsch, PhD, self-regulation starts with your intention and desire to become aware enough to be reflective with your ability to notice how you are perceiving whatever is happening. This includes your ability to notice how you are reacting and interpreting what is happening through your thoughts, feelings and inner dialogue. This awareness then leads you to remembering that you have choices about next steps throughout the entire process, and you can choose what is good for your own life.
Hosting Love with Self Regulation/Soothing
Taking time to self-reflect is vital to hosting love within.This is where choices show up. Triggers show up in everyone’s life. Smoking, drinking, binging, shopping, high risk or adrenalin rising behaviors, overeating, shopping, binge watching movies, workaholism, etc. can be external go-to’s when unease arises. While this might work on a short term basis, this doesn’t lead to resolving the issues so you can experience something new in your life related to what you would truly like to experience.
How you regulate your response to triggers that create agitation, anxiety, fear, grief and pain that numb or delay the pain temporarily feeds the established neural pathways of pain from the past, or you can choose natural ways to create nurture and support within.
Hosting love by choosing natural ways to self-soothe to create calm in your system trains your body-mind-spirit system by regulating how you respond to stress leads to greater wellness and well-being for the long-term. You are designed for self-healing. Focusing on new go-to’s that respond to the question, “Is this kind?” while considering next steps is a great way to work with Self-Reflection.Will the response you choose lead to new healing pathways within by activating your Sympathetic Nervous System (rest, digest, calm, and heal)? Will the choices strengthen your ability to host more love within as you navigate your life and relationships?
The following two articles give you some ideas for this purpose:by finding neutral to create positive change in your life and using your innate senses to create natural endorphin stress responses. You can explore this website for other natural modalities including breath, movement, acupressure, meditation, gratitude, aromatherapy, light, sound, etc. for more ideas.
Posted by Kimberly Rex
How to Access Clarity from Your Life
Finding clarity about your feelings, thoughts, attitudes, and choices takes time. When you feel overwhelmed by the input or expectations of others, it can be difficult to listen to yourself to make a decision, know where to turn, have a sense of timing, or trust the validity of your choices. This is where accessing clarity from your past can apply to your present life, and give greater clarity for creating your future.
The Clarity in Accessing the Past
Your beliefs, thoughts, and attitude about life are related to each other. When your family system is passed on through the generations as well as your early life experiences contribute to the habits, addictions, choices, and physical responses. The body-mind-spirit system is just that, a system that responds to behaviors, input, environment, lifestyle choices, diet, sleep and detoxification, stress levels, unprocessed trauma within your system, and emotion.
This means that evaluating your past in regard to these areas can create clarity about how and why you respond to life today.
Gabor Mate, in his talk on the 7 Impacts of Trauma speaks to the following attributes that contribute to a) being separated from your gut feelings, b) feeling disconnected from others: c) addiction, isolation, and distrust, d) impacts on how you see the world, e) lifelong pain until you deal with it, f) brain development and self-regulation, g) shame, h) and difficulty with being in the present moment. His book, The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture is a wonderful resource for the compassionate understanding of the individual, familial, and collective impacts of trauma.
Your interactions with others and how you see the world contribute to how your system responds or reacts. This can show up by taking on the characteristics of the victim, helplessness, being the rescuer, savior, or perpetrator. Uncovering the roots of these roles that likely evolved over time as survival mechanisms can point to how you are interacting today in either life-enhancing or depleting ways based on how you are interpreting your experience now.
The Clarity in Knowing Where You are in the Present
Being in the present means that you are aware of your inner world connected to your body signals, persistent emotions, and physical responses. This allows you to perceive where you are in your center with greater clarity as you are experiencing the environment around you. This, allows you to have greater clarity about how you are affected by your environment and this gives you feedback about that input.
You can only be aware of what is going on around you or with others to the degree that you have the ability to access that awareness within yourself. Like a computer programmed with software to recognize and choose a response, what you make conscious within your body-mind-spirit systems benefits your ability to consider more options overdriven or automatic adaptive hard-wired conditioning from the past. Returning to neutral gives you the ability to connect to a more educated view of what is happening to you now to bring greater clarity to your life right
Inner conflict, negative behavior and attitudes, addictions, and feeling like there is no space for your truth arise from past experiences. When the unconscious material from your negative early experiences is given attention and time to practice positive self-regulation this allows your system to relax, breathe, and take time to process what is happening. From this place, you have the benefit of setting boundaries while expanding your potential for life-energizing experiences. This then creates the opportunity to truly acknowledge your individual needs and experience greater clarity in decision-making.
The Clarity Considering the Future
Clarity can create positive changes in your diet, lifestyle-related to sleep, exercise, stress reduction habits, and environment. Self-care creates the capacity to experience greater clarity based on trusting yourself, and the signals around you, as you are more connected to your feelings, body sensations, and needs. Accessing your inner nature allows you to discern how to be authentic in the world around you. When you look at how the separation between your inner essence and outer image has impacted your wellness and well-being.
Each time you consider the depth of who you truly are, you can bring back more and more of your essential being connected to all of the parts of yourself. Having clarity about how to build the bridge to bringing what is alive in you can be in subtle or big ways. Becoming more loving of yourself allows you to create what is beneficial for creating respect for yourself and others. In this way, you are able to bring clarity to your life, and direction, through your positive intentions and choices.
Kimberly Rex, MS is an Advanced Resonance Repatterning® practitioner, Person-Centered Expressive Therapist, and Wellness and Well-being Life Coach. She works with people all over the world via Skype, phone, and proxy. Set up your personal session here.
Find out how Resonance Repatterning benefits your life. Sign up for a free monthly newsletter with articles, natural healing modalities, and exclusive group sessions here.
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Agency: Choosing Your Response to Life
Agency is defined as action or intervention, especially such as to produce a particular effect: One of my favorite definitions of positive mental health is the ability to make things happen. Agency can be driven by external or internal material. The wellspring of coherent or non-coherent agency originates from within. It is choosing your response to life.
Agency: Impulsivity vs. Spontaneity
Your conscious and unconscious material related to your beliefs, thoughts, and attitudes about life is related to the quality of action you take. Impulsivity is action based on the desire of “I want it right now.” The desire is often rooted in automatic or unconscious belief systems that drive you to action. The action might lead to short-term gains, but, generally comes from a reactive place of fear, anxiety, anger, or overwhelm driven by unmet needs. Because of this, the action and outcome lead to spiraling down into non-coherence and regret after the action is taken.
Spontaneity, on the other hand, is an action that is motivated by perspective and composure and results in a sense of joy, relaxation, and constructive creativity. There is a relationship between trust and a sense of simplicity with spontaneity,
Trying and Not Trying
Will is part of the process. The effort is usually associated with success. However, coherent choices are often fused with the larger process of rationality and self-control. Our body takes action with the thoughts and metaphors within our brain, yet we are challenged to work with both emotional and conscious considerations.
Agency: When In Doubt Do Nothing
Giving up control or forcing an outcome to something larger than yourself gives you the opportunity to consider your true values for life. This allows you to feel more in the natural flow, and calm to connect to the intelligent field of limitless possibilities in the process.
Allowing yourself to move from your negative cycling thoughts to your heart center is a wonderful way to get in touch with the flow of life-energizing wisdom.
Agency: You are the Agent of Choice
Too much stimulation or distraction can make it difficult to choose agency coherently. The phrase, “When in doubt do nothing,” points to the possibility of being the agent of change by creating calm and a platform for insight, inspiration, or guidance to naturally evolve. This happens with self-care, getting rest, and carrying for your need to process what is happening before considering the next steps.
Questions to consider in your process:
- How is what I’m expecting making me feel? Am I feeling frustrated, afraid, anxious, or more at peace and calm with what I am considering?
- When in doubt do nothing: What do I believe or think this choice will create or fulfill for me? What is the underlying need? If I allow myself time and space with this choice, will I make the same decision?
- Is it true? What are the facts and what are my body sensations telling me about considering this choice? Is there another way or perspective to re-frame this situation?
Making space and time for your feelings, thoughts, and body sensations related to decisions you are considering allows you to create the opportunity to experience greater integrity in your wellness and well-being.
Kimberly Rex, MS is an Advanced Resonance Repatterning® practitioner, Person-Centered Expressive Therapist, and Wellness and Well-being Life Coach. She works with people all over the world via Skype, by phone, and by proxy.
Find out how Resonance Repatterning benefits your life. Set up a personal session or sign up for a free monthly newsletter with articles, natural healing modalities, and exclusive group sessions here.
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Opening Pandora’s Box to Find Hope
Opening Pandora’s Box can be a metaphor of caution for being curious or looking at what is difficult or negative. It is also a metaphor for finding hope. At this time in your personal life as well as in the collective, there is an opportunity, to look within at what has been denied, hidden, or kept secret to protect and manage your life,
from Wikipedia.org
The image of Pandora has continually come up recently as an analogy for what is happening. I have always thought that when Pandora’s curiosity caused her to open the box, it only contained negative energy. However, with a closer study of the story, it’s vital to know that hope, the one positive energy inside was also included in the container.
She also found hope after all the negative energy had been released with her courage to open the box once more. It was only to appear after the disorder was seen and examined. That hope is what makes it possible to continue forward and spiral up with the power of the point of choice through the chaos and overwhelm.
We all have our own storage box like Pandora. Inside are both painful and comforting memories. The question to ask yourself is how much space you have for hope. By working with the difficult material that has kept you separated from resonating with new possibilities, you are better able to create space for more harmony and balance in your body-mind system.
How Family Systems Offers Hope
Resonance Repatterning ® works with identifying unconscious non-coherent patterns within your body-mind-spirit system. In the process of a session, where energy is constricted or interrupted by trauma, loss, grief, or pain, natural energizing modalities bring hope to restore greater integrity in your system overall. This is done by muscle-checking for the best order and beneficial disciplines tailored to you to create greater coherence.
One of these disciplines is the process of Family Systems created by Bert Hellinger.* Opening the box of unconscious generational patterns creates a meaningful and beneficial way to rebuild hope and positive change in your life.
The Ability to Take Information So You Can Do Something Good with It
In a Family Systems session, you might hear of the importance of taking your mother or father or taking the information in your system. By making material conscious you are better able to work with it and transform its impact on your life.
This holds true with all your relationships. Taking means you are able to see all that is present. This is related to the acceptance of another person as they are or were in your past. Being able to tell the difference between what is real and what is not real is essential or possible in any relationship. Taking the information allows you to gain the energy to face life with what it is handing you.
When you are not facing life, this means that your body-mind system is more tied up in the past conflict or situation, and unable to experience the vitality and freedom to be present to what is in front of you today.
Create Order in Your System
Creating order in your system refers to the ability to resonate with being in your rightful place in your system. This could mean as a child to your parents instead of resonating with being your parent’s caretaker (acting as a parent or partner), or including the lessons from all of your partners in your relationships over time. It can also relate to any relationship where there is dysfunctional codependence. Creating order allows you to take the lessons from your life so you can use this information to create greater integrity in your own wellness and well-being.
By creating order in your family system you benefit by giving respect and dignity to the life of others and as well as freeing your own destiny. This is done out of love and regard for facing life to do something good with it. The ability to face life becomes possible in transforming your inner view of challenging relationships in life.
Include All Members of Your System
In some cases, a person might not be able to take information from the system due to lack of access or in some cases, a disorder of person in the line, or due to the exclusion of a person from the consciousness of your Family System. Exclusion could be any member of your family even from generations in the past. It could be a Great Uncle, a parent, a great grandmother, a soldier, a group of people, a partner, or even a sibling. It can also mean that through painful experience, you have been unable to process an event, or take the meaning to apply to your current life to create new possibilities, choices, or new direction.
To include everyone in your system means you have access to the information both conscious and unconscious through the generations. By doing so in the process of healing codependence in your own life, you are better able to end the violence cycles due to exclusion of members.
It’s important to look at the whole picture. This includes working with systemic information related to culture, language, beliefs, and the impact of perpetrators and victims. If individually or collectively we are not able to recognize the patterns from revenge or violence cycles, we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over. Transforming these patterns allows you to let go of the energy it takes to carry the burdens of this material. This allows updates in your attitudes, responses, and builds the hope, motivation, and momentum to experience tangible and sustainable positive change.
Clearing Pandora’s Box Creates Space for Hope
Recently, I’ve been going through belongings and boxes to organize and let go of things that need releasing. In one box was poetry from my high school and college years, I found a poem that I submitted to the school newspaper for publication. On the bottom of the page written in black and red ink were the votes from the editors with more “No’s than Yeses.” That single page has had a negative impact on my confidence every time I’ve looked at it in the past. I believed that my writing was not good enough. However, this year, for the first time, I noticed in pencil, 9.5 in the top right corner. This was the mark I had received from my English teacher for this poem with 10 as the highest score.
It was an “Aha” moment that changed everything. I had not been able to see it before. My psychic filter this time was able to take in a new possibility and resonate with a greater sense of hope.
The resulting optimism and feeling of gratitude reassured me that the way you see the world can change and is possible. What had changed from last year? My perspective to include the possibility of hope had shifted. By staying with my emotions when they came up and then spending more time with the awareness that came with them allowed me to get to the place of acknowledging that what my mind believed was true might not be the only way to look at the page. I asked myself if there was another way to look at it or something to learn from the page. This expanded my vision to take in new possibilities with confidence and optimism.
You can use this sentence frame for this experience. ” I used to believe________________. Now I am learning__________________________________. I forgive and release my past mistakes made in unconsciousness. I choose ________________ in this moment.”
Creating space within for hope includes acknowledging the parts of yourself that feel anxious, worried, discouraged, sad, or upset. You can ride these waves when you take the time to listen to the messages from your heart and Higher Self that include all of your life’s experiences. Then, you can take the lessons of growth, and align with what else might be possible. That’s when hope lights the way for expanding your vision so you can choose where you place your attention and take action.
With that, I share a poem I also found in the same box entitled, “Hope.“
Hope
Hope is love
Embracing us in our pain
Lifting the lid to the sun.
As Light pours in
We can embrace and be touched by light
Feeling its presence
Within our cell’s walls.
Hope knows its freedom
And penetrates
Even the smallest places
With love.
Hope is love whispering to us in the darkness,
Lifting the lid to the sun.
~Kimberly Rex © 2001
Kimberly Rex, MS is a Master Resonance Repatterning® and Wellness and Well-being Life Coach, and Person-Centered Expressive Therapist. She works with people all over the world by phone, Skype, and proxy during these times.
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Everything is Energy, and Energy is Everything
Everything is energy, and energy is everything! Your body-mind system is receiving and transforming energy. The natural energy from the sun is converted into the food you eat, and then mobilized by your body-mind system in your emotions, thoughts, actions, and relationships. On a daily basis, you take in color and sound through your senses at specific frequencies (rates of energy vibration).
You experience this in your response to the color of flowers or choice of clothing. You can feel it in your response to music, or through the tone of someone’s voice. You respond to body language and movement. Everything has a frequency. This means that even your business arguments, back pain, joys, fear, and decisions are translating energy. You are absorbing and radiating energy/frequency all of the time.
Let’s take a movie you’ve seen on the big screen that created a strong response. I know I can’t watch a film without moving, laughing, tearing up, or giving meaning to it. How about a movie like JAWS? This is a movie that changed my life even from a long time ago. Before the movie: I enjoyed everything about being in saltwater. After the movie: I have not dared to swim in salt water again. Did it influence my thoughts? My feelings? My actions? You bet! I can still hear the warning music in my brain. The highly charged emotions that I experienced from it created a reaction well beyond the short time in the theater.
Everything is Energy
In the same way, you respond to light, image, and sounds by creating a record in your mind. These frequencies are given personal meaning by comparing incoming information with what is already stored in your system. According to Bruce Lipton, we are being bombarded by frequency information at a rate of 4 billion bits per second. Less than 10% of that information is processed consciously. That means unconscious or unresolved material has a strong impact on your response to life.
Memory patterns create belief filters in your brain. Your conscious mind leads with the response to information. However, your automatic behavior and habitual responses are managed by unconscious beliefs and expectations. It’s literally watching and responding to the same movie over and over again with similar characters, themes, plots, and outcomes!
You are impacted over time by the response you had in your early development through your family’s beliefs and attitudes about life. Any highly charged feeling or event that remained unresolved in your life impacts your system’s response to the present. Your mind continues to filter your need to resolve the past. This leads to repeating patterns in life that affect how you experience life through your emotional, mental, and physical energy patterns. Your resonance (vibratory energy pattern) is what you experience in the world on a daily basis.
Energy is Everything
The Good News: You are wired for success and self-healing. Your body is a map of your life’s experience. This information is stored in your body-mind system in muscles, tissues, organs, and glands stored at the frequency level. The unconscious material of your body can be read through applied kinesiology like an EEG or EKG. This means that your muscles give information regarding where over 90% of that unconscious material is stored.
It’s what you do with this energy that changes your experience of life. If you feel like you are in a movie that continues to pull you into the same life-de-energizing outcome, the choice comes when you decide to write a new outcome or see the opportunity in your life for a change.
Accessing this information is only the beginning. Awareness leads to resolution and reclaiming more life energy for the present. I just noticed a film with similar content to JAWS in the theaters now entitled, PIRANHA! My response to the ad on YouTube.com was updated. First, I know I would not choose to overload my body-mind system with an adrenaline cycle to stimulate an endorphin stress response to build upon the already loaded stressful material in the world today. Second, I have learned natural ways to create endorphin responses through energizing and calming activities to enhance overall needs for balance and harmony. And, third I know that my fear of swimming in the saltwater was in reaction to fear, not reality.
I am able to make different choices today to edit and influence my responses to life that benefit my overall sense of well-being. In essence, it is creating a new movie, experience, and response in positive life-enhancing ways!
You can do this with any life situation. Through the process of Resonance Repatterning®, you take an active role in shifting the plot from fear to more ease, optimism, and empowerment. The frequency energetics of issues, intentions, underlying needs, feeling responses, patterns, and projections beneath the surface hold the key to transformation and opportunities for growth.
How are they transformed? Natural frequencies of color, light, sound, movement, fragrance, breath, and energetic balancing allow your body-mind system to become more conscious. You can then update material to experience new neurotransmitter connections to create coherent frequencies of calm, optimism, love, and joy. This empowers you to experience the greater potential for choice and new possibilities.
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