Posted by Kimberly Rex
Being in Transition
Being in transition can change your past, present, and future. We live as though everything has a logical sequential process. However, when the number of transitions you experience escalates, this can change how you deal with the steps you take, the amount of time to complete a process, and your ability to integrate change.
The rate of change in our lives has accelerated especially in recent years with the rise of technology and the impact of the global issues created by the pandemic, climate change, and financial instability. In the midst of all of this change, it is important to acknowledge that you are affected by both personal and collective levels. The increasing number of transitions you experience at once translates into the need for a more non-linear way of looking at what is happening to you.
Being in Transition as a Way of Life
The number of transitions that you go through has both linear and non-linear characteristics. According to Bruce Feiler, this acceleration of change in our lives is intensified by the chaos and complexity of daily living. Research shows an average of 3-5 life changes every 5 years cumulatively taking up half of your adult life.
These life disruptors include the changes and transitions you experience in your relationships, work, sense of identity, body image, as well as your money. Extreme life changes might include the loss or change in home, of friends and family, or your job. Illness, self-esteem, traumatic events, energy levels, moving from one place to another, or change in your energy levels due to the stress that life changes have caused. This all can contribute to an overall feeling of loss of stability, safety, trust, or security.
While some transitions are more extreme than others, the tools of the linear world might not feel as productive as expected. The mechanics of the logical linear world applied to starting, pacing yourself, pausing, giving up, or even starting over again might need more time for being with the process as it unfolds than for a recipe or formula. As the world continues to feel like a tossed salad, it’s important to acknowledge that you have a home within yourself that can be nourished by giving yourself the room to be in transition so you can take in the depth of the multi-linear and non-linear transitions you are experiencing personally and we are all experiencing together.
Being in Transition in a Changing World
The way you look at your own life is also translated into how you see the world. So what power do you have with all of this change happening all at once? The important news is that within you is a well of strength that has gone through challenges in the past. These parts are available to you now. Allowing the parts of your life experience that are stuck or confused to get to know the other parts of yourself that have met challenges successfully can create an empowering give-and-take to support you in the present.
Acknowledging your current emotions to meet the current challenges and transition expectations then become non-linear. It is the strength and compassion you have acquired over time that the earlier parts of yourself that still carry limiting beliefs, attitudes, and concepts of time that need to become more acquainted. This creates the space so that the essence of your life experience in your body-mind-spirit system can integrate with the greater parts of yourself as a resource for positive change. This means that fear, sadness, shame, anger, loneliness, hurt, guilt, anger, confusion, and hurt can point to your real need for self-care for what you are meeting in the world today.
In the process of change, Bruce Feiler speaks to three parts of working with transition in a way that moves, redirects, and changes order: a) The Long Goodbye b) The Messy Middle and c) the New Beginning. He suggests starting with your strength whether it be an attempt to try something new, staying in the moment with the messages and emotions you are experiencing; or working with the steps of grieving in no particular order or time in an attempt to work with what emerges or works best for you. This acknowledges the non-linear nature of true change over time. You are accompanied by the thought and feelings of each of these parts while at the same time responding to daily tasks. When you honor your inner value and truth, the pace of life you experience is more authentically tied to your needs in your personal process.
Being Transition with What You Value
No matter where you begin, it can be a time to start to value more what you know you love about yourself and take the support you need in the transition process. It can also be a time to seek out mentors and friends who can share the process.
It is essential to nourish your vital being and essence in the process of change. This could be creating through dance, art, writing, baking, ritual, or pacing yourself, while also learning new behaviors and habits. It is time to ask yourself these questions. “What do I need to let go of, learn, or move toward to create the space for speaking and living my values in my communication and actions in this transition? What can this life trauma, or lesson teach me about what I would like to create with new possibilities?“
When the best timing for integration emerges, begin to see that you are not slamming the door on the past or throwing it away. You are, like nature, using the compost of life to begin a new chapter. Take the messages and the soul weight that has been created by your journey, and use it for new possibilities.
Kimberly Rex, MS is an Advanced Resonance Repatterning®practitioner, Person-Centered Expressive Therapist, and Wellness and Well-being Life Coach. She works with people all over the world via Skype, phone, and proxy.
Find out how Resonance Repatterning benefits your life in times of trauma, change, and transition. Set up a personal session or sign up for a free monthly newsletter with articles, natural healing modalities, and exclusive group sessions here.
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Posted by Kimberly Rex
Finding Serenity in the Midst of Challenges and Change
Finding serenity in the midst of challenges and change, well, is challenging. Serenity is defined as the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled. In these times when challenging events continue to escalate, serenity would certainly be a welcome guest. The Serenity Prayer, written by Reinhold Niebuhr, is well-known in 12 Step Groups for this reason. It addresses acceptance, empowerment, and faith to face each moment and day with a greater sense of balance and fortitude. This article will give you ideas about how it can benefit you, and your relationships to change your experience in the world in the midst of these challenges.
Serenity to Accept The Things You Cannot Change
Living in a world where there are overwhelming simultaneous events that signal the need for change, this prayer is especially helpful. It is as if all of the material below the surface is coming up into our view at the same time. This material begs the question: “How deeply are we able to address the muck or sewage coming up everywhere?“
In your personal life and relationships, the invitation is to look at where we are pointing our fingers. We are part of a larger collective. Our blame and anger buried into the numbness within the chaos create alienation from our needs for safety, nurture, kindness, respect, sharing, and focus. These are essentials to creating a life that is not only sustainable for ourselves but for all of us.
When you believe that you have control over everything in your life, this ironically can lead to feeling completely out of control. This can lead to sometimes carrying burdens that are not yours to carry. You cannot change other people by carrying their responsibilities or burdens in life.
In a Resonance Repatterning® session, the process works with your inner limiting beliefs, thoughts attitudes, and orientation to life. These are all influenced by your history and the underlying material. When we ask someone else to change to meet our needs, we are reliving patterns that ask for inner change. Blame is often a resonance with something within us that signals agitation or charge with the energetics of the material we dislike. In some repatterning sessions, we look at how the blame of another is a component of ourselves asking to be healed. If I believe that someone is dishonest, we look at how the charge and energy devoted to this are within us. We check for “I am dishonest.” In whatever way this energy is playing out within yourself it is projected into your field and into the world of relationships.
In fact, this dance of dishonesty between you and others might be one that has been going on for generational family patterns. Whether you have a charge around someone else being dishonest or are truly angry about the issue of dishonesty, it originates within you. How is dishonesty affecting your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations?
Here are some questions you might work with related to this topic, “ How am I being dishonest with myself? What truth am I not living? Where am I not completely ready or yet able to confront my fears or need for more truth about something?”
Accepting people where they are in their lives is a way of giving them respect and dignity. It allows you to give responsibility to others and authorship back to yourself.
Empowering Statements for Greater Serenity
- “If someone’s behavior is unacceptable to me, I cannot change it, but I change my interactions with that person.”
- “it’s no one else’s job to meet my needs. I am responsible for taking care of myself. This is a good thing because it gives my power back.”
- “It’s not my job to control other people, however, I am in control of my reaction to them.
Serenity to Change the Things You Can Control
.Feeling like you cannot change anything can stem from blaming yourself even when there is nothing you can do about a situation, or you resonate with having absolutely no control over anything in your life. This happens when you believe that you do not have the ability or power to make a difference. In other words, the situation or person has power over you. The inability to start or create can result from an unresolved traumatic experience where you are stuck in freeze mode. You might find yourself procrastinating or feel a lack of authority or power due to abuse, chronic stress, grief or overwhelm. Resentment, depression, anger, and fear over time can create a feeling of disconnection from yourself. This means that you are unable to use your body sensations, and your ability to respond to what is happening around you in a life-energizing way with self-care. This impacts your ability to pace yourself or conserve your own life energy for your own benefit.
Empowering Statements for Creating Greater Serenity
- “My past does not define me, I am always able to make decisions for how I will think and behave today, and into the future.”
- “Being perfect or having no flaws would not solve all of my problems, make everyone approve of me, or make it certain that I always get what I want.”
- “It is inevitable that not everyone is going to like, agree with or approve of me all of the time. It is more important for me to be authentic and approve of myself than it is to try to please others to earn their approval.“
Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it. ~Rabindranath Tagore
Serenity to Know the Difference
Either an excessive state of having to control everything or resonating with having no control is extreme. Being able to acknowledge these states creates a realistic way of accessing what you truly do have power over. Having unconditional love for yourself, others, and the circumstances that surround you lessens the struggle to accept life as it is in the moment even if it isn’t what you desire or even demand. This means that you can then begin to gauge what is in your sphere of influence and what is not.
Some great examples might be the following: While you cannot control the economy or politicians, you can control how you spend or save your money, and how you vote at the ballot box.
You might not be able to control another person, however, you can choose how you respond to them. You can choose to respond coherently in a way that promotes your greater peace. You have choices about how to think about the situation. You do have influence over how you feel and respond.
This also applies to your beliefs and thoughts about yourself. Shifting limiting beliefs about yourself goes a long way to transform underlying material so they can be woven into new possibilities for seeing and experiencing the world anew.
In the transformation process of creating greater serenity, some belief statements might include:
- “No matter what is happening around me or in the world, I always have a choice about what I focus on, how I judge the situation, and how I react or respond to it.”
- “No matter what happens in life, I know I am capable of finding a solution and that everything works out in the end.”
- “Sometimes life’s disappointments and challenges can lead to wonderful new possibilities that I never would have known I wanted.”
Serenity arises when you embrace the messages, lessons, and opportunities that the challenge presents to you. Getting to have choices with the material that the upheaval brings into focus is a wonderful reason to work with what feels unfamiliar, unsettling, and upsetting. It signals the potential for your readiness for substantial change in your life. By doing so, you give serenity and peace a chance!
Kimberly Rex, MS is an Advanced Resonance Repatterning®practitioner, Person-Centered Expressive Therapist, and Wellness and Well-being Life Coach. She works with people all over the world via Skype, phone, and proxy.
Find out how Resonance Repatterning benefits your life. Set up a personal session or sign up for a free monthly newsletter with articles, natural healing modalities, and exclusive group sessions here.
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Posted by Kimberly Rex
As the Light Returns
As the light returns in the Northern Hemisphere after the Winter Solstice, the daylight hours are slowly increasing over time toward spring. Even though I consciously know this is true, the expansion of darkness that has grown over time from fall has sometimes made it more difficult to resonate with the light and focus only on the dark.
This natural occurrence that takes place each year is expected, however, it still comes as a surprise to my awareness in that I begin to dwell on the darkness.
My attitude about this natural cycle and the presence of more darkness with the cooling temperatures and movement indoors changes my stress-avoidance actions and words. Instead of resonating with underlying potential benefits of the season of oncoming winter, I find myself complaining more about what has been lost more than what I might gain.
So what changed that? My attitude, responses to the situation, and my relationship with time are what changed. I am beginning to resonate with the return of light over the dark and cold of winter. I am now beginning to orient to the journey through winter to spring as we near the solstice time signaling the start of winter.
Winter is a time of introspection and depth. There are clear benefits of going inward, slowing down to harvest lessons and awareness, putting my energy into my roots the way plants do in the cold months so they can take the nurture of the Earth as she moves around the sun.
On the Winter Solstice, the change began with only a few seconds of the length of time, similar to that of the day before the solstice. Yet, it is likely that my mindset will be especially focused more on the return of light. This is because this 3-month timeframe leads to greater light and warmth in spring. The takeaway is that it is all about perception and that the journeys we take in our lives need to be appreciated as the process unfolds even when a goal might seem to be a distance and time away.
As the Light Returns Quantum Change Happens
This starts with an invitation to celebrate along the pathway towards your goals and positive intentions instead of waiting for a date 3 months away to realize the subtleties in shifts that occur in small increments transforming each and every day.
Those small increments and connections to stillness and presence create wisdom, nurture, and new possibilities. This is where things really happen. Winter is a good time to release fears by connecting to the still-point, to the Universe, and to cultivating unconditional love through your cultivating presence on the physical, emotional, mental, and core essence levels.
At the Still Point by T.S. Eliot
At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless;
Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is,
But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity,
Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards,
Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance
Working with 8 Treasures as the Light Returns
Chinese Medicine acknowledges the aspects of cultivating vital life energy over time. The reminder in winter along the path is to work with what is called the 8 Treasures. A reminder of this ability to thrive even during the cold months is illustrated by the cherry blossoms that bloom during winter even in the snow!
The 8 Treasures for cultivation includes 81 days of getting in sync with nature as it presents itself in the journey toward spring. This time is also used to connect to and cultivate inner peace, happiness, smooth transitions, health, wealth, longevity, luck/fortune, and fulfillment.
To connect with the energetics of the 8 Treasures within, the process begins with eating or drinking an 8 Treasure congee stew or tea.
The idea is to work with the first 9 days starting with the solstice in the journey through winter continuing into spring by drinking a little 8 Treasure congee or tea for the 1st 9 days. The fluid with the combination of glutenous rice, beans, nuts, grains, fruit, and sometimes meat, or the flower and fruit tea brings a deep acknowledgment and nourishment for the process.
Here is an article on ingredients you can find in 8 Treasure Soup: https://omnivorescookbook.com/eight-treasure-congee/
You can order 8 Treasure teas on Amazon.com.
The journey continues with intervals of 9 days with a focus on one of the 8 Treasures.
This beautiful process was taught to me by Master Liu He with a painting or drawing of a branch to hold 9 cherry blossoms, one drawn every 9 days. Each petal represents the completion of each 9-day segment and one aspect of the 8 Treasures. For every nine-day period between the beginning of winter and spring, you work with a new attribute. You then paint or draw one more blossom on the branch until it contains the nine cherry blossoms of your journey. What an acknowledgment and celebration of each part of the path that buds and flowers as you take care of your vital essence through the winter!
Smooth Transitions as the Light Returns
Of course, you can create your own way of processing gradual change as the light returns with a focus on the 8 Treasures through drawing, journaling, or dancing the attribute of each one over the timeframe of 81 days. It could be useful to draw one cherry blossom with one of the attributes in each petal. Then you might work with meditation questions about the particular aspect such as this example. “What do I need to know to cultivate inner peace?” “What resources do I need to create more peace in my life?” “What do I need to let go of to experience peace more fully?” Listen for guidance and trust the wisdom of your heart to tell you what you need at this time in your life or access more guidance to build wisdom from a teacher, book, or course.
It could be that you use movement including Qigong, Tai Chi, ice skating, skiing, or even snowshoeing to feel physically feel smooth transitions. You can tap into our own creative expression to explore each attribute. This is a time to get more in sync with nature by creating light within through illumination for your life. It is also worth your time to be in natural light by being out noticing what is happening in nature, enjoying yourself by looking at streams, rivers, mountains, watching the birds, or noticing activity in trees and plants as we move closer to spring. This keeps the focus on being present at the still point while moving forward at the same time (the dance).
So I invite you to consider taking this time to nourish and root yourself so that you can meet each day throughout the winter in ways that you know will benefit your attitudes, responses, and beliefs about your life. It is a great way to nourish your roots, collect seeds of vital energy within and honor your part in the wisdom of the Earth’s process. The light is returning. In fact, it is always there feeding your roots, establishing nourishment for growth towards budding, and flowering into new possibilities.
Kimberly Rex, MS is an Advanced Resonance Repatterning® practitioner, Person-Centered Expressive Therapist, and Wellness and Well-being Life Coach. She works with people all over the world via Skype, phone, and proxy.
Find out how Resonance Repatterning benefits your life. Set up a personal session or sign up for a free monthly newsletter with articles, natural healing modalities, and exclusive group sessions here.
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Posted by Kimberly Rex
Letting Go When Things Fall Apart
Fall is a time where letting go is visible. The trees lose their leaves. The garden shuts down, the temperatures recede as we move into fall. it looks like that’s all there is. However, we know that spring will come again. In fact, the trees form their buds as they let go of their leaves. In life, when we cannot see beyond our beliefs, attitudes or story we are telling ourselves, it becomes difficult to stay in the process while it is unfolding.
The book, When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun and teacher, is well worth reading in this time of letting go. In fact, it is in this time where it seems like things are falling apart, that the natural cycles of letting go can create new possibilities so that you can reclaim greater well-being and peace when we let go of the story embedded with non-coherent, attitudes, beliefs and concept of time.
This article summarizes some of the tenets presented in the book with three stories that illustrate and give meaning to them.
What meaning do these stories have for you?
Letting Go of Negative Attitudes
Fear can be a driving force that moves us away from ourselves and others or a doorway that allows us to look at life on the path as a spiritual warrior. One of the questions Pema Chodron’s teacher, Rinpoche asked in a meditation class was, “What do you do when you are squeezed?” When I read this, I reflected on the many times I have moved into a state of fear or immobility. This automatic response led me away from taking care of what was happening to me at the moment. With new awareness, however, being squeezed can serve as a doorway to become aware of an alternative way of being and responding. What would happen if fear could lead me to a greater opening and expansiveness? Your attitude about the situation is what changes how you experience, feel and respond to it.
When a rainbow appears vividly in the sky, you can see its beautiful colors, yet you could not wear as clothing or put it on as an ornament. It arises through the conjunction of various factors, but there is nothing about it that can be grasped. Likewise, thoughts that arise in the mind have no tangible existence or intrinsic solidity. There is no logical reason why thoughts, which have no substance, should have so much power over you, nor is there any reason why you should become their slave. ~Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche
Story #1: Is It Good or Is It Bad?
The option to relax and focus on your breathing allows you to get in touch with your inner world. Your “thinking” is reacting to the situation. By being more in touch with your breath, this can stabilize and support you at the moment relieving your stress response, moving you into the place where your body-mind wisdom can support you. While doing so, you can start the process of having compassion for your thoughts so that they find new possibilities with inner care to transform or change who you are in the moment, and what you do in response.
Letting Go of a Concept of Time
Story #2: Nightmares
We live in a world of polarities. The invitation is to find neutral ground within this mixture. As human beings, we experience the world through the lens of positive and negative instead of resting in the center to allow the digestion and transformation of what we are experiencing in any given moment. Because we live in a “fix it” world, it is challenging to allow all of our emotions to be there without labeling, grabbing or something to change or numb them.
From the Buddhist perspective, this is demonstrated within the 8 Dharmas. There are 4 dharmas that represent “what we want or desire” and 4 dharmas that represent their opposites, what we do not want to have or experience.
These include Pleasure or Pain; Praise or Criticism and Blame; Fame or Disgrace; Gain or Lose.
The question is do you resonate with the problem or the new possibility? Do you resonate with the process as one that creates growth within whatever your life presents to you? Attachment to desire can create pain when there is a grabbing or clinging to the need for permanence. The expectation to experience happiness and fulfillment continuously can lead to great disappointment. When there is an injury, loss or sense of failure, disappointment can be amplified with a sense of never having resolution or completion.
However, when we look at the natural world, we can see that impermanence abounds. Seasons change, we breathe in and then let go of our breath. Babies are born and change over time into adults. People and pets die. Relationships begin and end. Things fall apart. It is staying with the process instead of running away that peace has the opportunity to arrive. Numbing it out, trying to distract from the process, only prolongs the pain.
By resisting the very nature of things not staying the same, we take ourselves out of experiencing who we are right now. This limits our ability to experience or to allow the process of any emotion, situation, or event from being what it is so that it can give us the experience. It can expand, dissolve, fall apart until a sense of meaning arises. It is from this place that you can experience a sense of timelessness, insight, choice, and letting go.
Letting Go of Negative Beliefs
Story #3: Warrior and Fear
The most difficult times for most of us, is the time we give ourselves. ~Pema Chodron
The Buddhist tenet of “Do no harm” is a practice that begins with applying this to your Self. Who you are is related to what you practice. As an example, if you are practicing anger in the moment, this is who you are in the moment. That anger can create a number of physical, emotional and mental responses that you can run from the experience right now. It has information for you that in the middle way that can reveal an awareness that opens you to a gift of something you did not know or expect. It is by taking the labels off your current emotion, relaxing and opening to being with it, that leads you to harmonize your response to life more intimately. In this way, as you compassionately spend time with your beliefs, attitudes, and thoughts, you bring less judgment and blame as you empower your awareness, actions, and choice.
“And I found that I can do it if I choose to – I can stay awake and let the sorrows of the world tear me apart and then allow the joys to put me back together different from before but whole once again.”
~
In doing so, your practice leads you to practice how you respond within, and how you interact with life. By practicing mindfulness, “Do no harm” leads to a greater sense of well-being and peace. Because it is then in your memory bank, you are better able to allow this space and freedom within yourself. As you do so, you can also begin to offer this compassion to others.
Resonance Repatterning® sessions work with where you are stuck, where you feel things are falling apart. In working with your beliefs, attitudes, and concept of time-related to your problems and intentions for your life, you can experience a greater sense of peace and harmony. You are designed for success and self-healing. This process works with your inner software to create tangible and sustainable positive change.
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When Things Fall Apart book at Amazon.com
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Posted by Kimberly Rex
Messages in the Process of Making Change
Is there a message for all of us to consider as we traditionally look at making a change? It’s not just any change. It’s changing that moves you from where you are in the present into an expanded view of your life, or in ways to improve your wellness and well-being whether that be health, relationship, or business choices.Process of Making Change is a Point of Choice
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Kimberly Rex, MS is an Advanced Resonance Repatterning® practitioner, Master Wellness and Well-being Life Coach, and Person-Centered Expressive Therapist.
